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Wouldn't it be nice if all your family drama could be settled in a mere 30 minutes? I guess you could say you know you grew up in the 80's if you watched: The Wonder Years, Who's the Boss, Alf, Full House, The Cosby Show, Cheers, Growing Pains, Different Strokes, The Facts of Life (my personal favorite) and Family Ties -- Wasn't it just so great that they were always able to solve life's biggest issues in the 30 minutes your eyes were glued to the TV? Oh, yeah... minus 15 minutes of commercials -- So really, these people became our heroes! (no... not really :)
Trouble is, real life issues can sometimes take years to work through, never mind the time it takes to cook dinner -- Life doesn't include a script, bright lights and takes 1,2 and 3 -- And you can try and act like you're the director, but unfortunately each day is totally unpredictable and no matter what, Life Goes On (wasn't that a show, too?) -- I believe we understand the reality of this because all our lives we face stuff that can't be resolved in 4.5 seconds, we've worked long and hard to earn the material things we have and we know it takes diligence to keep our relationships from growing mold -- But what about our marriages?
I know that when I watch a show, I get an image in my mind of the actors... I fall in love with that image and I like them for that image -- But when I see them on a talk show or in a magazine, I'm totally disappointed by how they really dress, do their hair or the lack of confidence all over them -- I think sometimes this is what happens when we picture marriage -- There's this idea of what it's going to be like and how we're going to act and what house we're going to live in and... how and when and where and what it's all going to pan out to be -- Then we get married and the reality isn't at all what the sitcom looked like on TV -- It's as though we think because we fell in love with someone all the issues that arise will be nothing more than bump on a pickle and we'll just scoot around them -- Are you finding out that it's not so? Yeah... me too --
No, I'm not naive (maybe just a little slow) -- I really thought Dan and I had fantastic communication in regards to what household responsibilities each of us would have, how the budget would look, vacations we'd take, dates we'd go on, how we'd communicate when we're upset and all the other fun things you put together in a perfect little box before you get married -- Then you're all married n' stuff and none of it goes as planned... I mean, aren't we supposed to just have a look and know what each other is saying? Aren't we supposed to have a ton of inside jokes and finish each others sentences? Isn't Dan supposed to know what I like to eat and know where I shop and understand why I do certain things and not others? Aren't I supposed to know what sort of presents Dan likes and what his love languages are? What about that white picket fence and 2.5 kids? Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES... but not after being married for like 3 seconds! -- Give yourself a break!
Apparently, if you get a Chase Credit Card, you can want it all and have it all now -- Or there's the Access Credit Card and you can take the want out of waiting -- But notice how all these scams are have now and pay later? If within your first few years of marriage you really work hard to build that strong foundation, you'll eventually have what you want and the reward of having it will be that much sweeter -- We are a now generation and I'm finding a theme among Newlyweds that it's taking a lot longer than they thought to build a connectedness they desire with their spouse -- They want the ease and comfortableness now -- They want to have the house now -- They want to understand their spouse now -- They want to know how to be a great wife/husband now -- They want to have that big career now -- They want children now -- They want, they want, they want... What about being content now?
Stop wanting and wanting and wanting (and wanting now!) -- Enjoy where you're at... love and laugh at the adventure you get to face with the man/woman you fell in love with... it's called making memories -- Do you really want to go the rest of your marriage just waiting for the next house, baby or raise? If so... you'll never enjoy today... or tomorrow... or ever -- Want what you have and want it now :)
Trouble is, real life issues can sometimes take years to work through, never mind the time it takes to cook dinner -- Life doesn't include a script, bright lights and takes 1,2 and 3 -- And you can try and act like you're the director, but unfortunately each day is totally unpredictable and no matter what, Life Goes On (wasn't that a show, too?) -- I believe we understand the reality of this because all our lives we face stuff that can't be resolved in 4.5 seconds, we've worked long and hard to earn the material things we have and we know it takes diligence to keep our relationships from growing mold -- But what about our marriages?
I know that when I watch a show, I get an image in my mind of the actors... I fall in love with that image and I like them for that image -- But when I see them on a talk show or in a magazine, I'm totally disappointed by how they really dress, do their hair or the lack of confidence all over them -- I think sometimes this is what happens when we picture marriage -- There's this idea of what it's going to be like and how we're going to act and what house we're going to live in and... how and when and where and what it's all going to pan out to be -- Then we get married and the reality isn't at all what the sitcom looked like on TV -- It's as though we think because we fell in love with someone all the issues that arise will be nothing more than bump on a pickle and we'll just scoot around them -- Are you finding out that it's not so? Yeah... me too --
No, I'm not naive (maybe just a little slow) -- I really thought Dan and I had fantastic communication in regards to what household responsibilities each of us would have, how the budget would look, vacations we'd take, dates we'd go on, how we'd communicate when we're upset and all the other fun things you put together in a perfect little box before you get married -- Then you're all married n' stuff and none of it goes as planned... I mean, aren't we supposed to just have a look and know what each other is saying? Aren't we supposed to have a ton of inside jokes and finish each others sentences? Isn't Dan supposed to know what I like to eat and know where I shop and understand why I do certain things and not others? Aren't I supposed to know what sort of presents Dan likes and what his love languages are? What about that white picket fence and 2.5 kids? Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES... but not after being married for like 3 seconds! -- Give yourself a break!
Apparently, if you get a Chase Credit Card, you can want it all and have it all now -- Or there's the Access Credit Card and you can take the want out of waiting -- But notice how all these scams are have now and pay later? If within your first few years of marriage you really work hard to build that strong foundation, you'll eventually have what you want and the reward of having it will be that much sweeter -- We are a now generation and I'm finding a theme among Newlyweds that it's taking a lot longer than they thought to build a connectedness they desire with their spouse -- They want the ease and comfortableness now -- They want to have the house now -- They want to understand their spouse now -- They want to know how to be a great wife/husband now -- They want to have that big career now -- They want children now -- They want, they want, they want... What about being content now?
Stop wanting and wanting and wanting (and wanting now!) -- Enjoy where you're at... love and laugh at the adventure you get to face with the man/woman you fell in love with... it's called making memories -- Do you really want to go the rest of your marriage just waiting for the next house, baby or raise? If so... you'll never enjoy today... or tomorrow... or ever -- Want what you have and want it now :)
9 comments:
I soooo love your blog and reading your little bits of wisdom.
You can read all the self-help books and watch all the self help shows but nothing can really prepare you for really anything except for hands on experience, we grow, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes made.
If life was really scripted, I don't think life would be really exciting. I look forward to living each day in the moment. Life is too short to worry about tomorrow.
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
Hmmmm.. interesting epiphany. Just think, generation X and Y have been tainted with such 80s shows which paints a semi-perfect lifestyle of how marriage/family could (should?) be.
Just think about the younger generation who have been exposed to reality TV. YIKES! At least they aren't expecting a house with a white picket fence and 2.5 children.
Yet again, great advice. :)
CP -- THANK YOU! You are so right about hands on, get down in the dirt experience is the #1 way to live life --
MCU -- Great point... wow -- Can you even imagine the generation after ours believes that all there is to look forward to in life is Big Brother? HA!
I couldn't have said it better myself. I am REALLY going to enjoy your blog! I read the first few newest ones... and already I am smitten with this new blog :)
Love the new background! :-D
I know you are already married but I was watching the Today show and they were talking about a cool site called getmarried.com and I thought you might want to share it with your readers or friends.
-Meaghan
L -- Thank you!!! Your pic is adorable!
M -- I like it too! It was so fun to find out I could do that :)
Meaghan -- Great! I'll check it out -- I love the way you spell your name :)
Great advice! I am really enjoying your blog.=)
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