Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Wifey Wednesday: Case of the Missing Underwear

Wifey Wednesday will hopefully be a weekly venture inspired by www.tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com --
My hope is it will be a tribute to the newlywed wives I so dearly love and enjoy --



It isn't often I hear a wife say Man, my husband just does everything... I love how when I come home the house is clean, dinner's on the table, my freshly folded clothes are in their drawers and now I can prop my feet up on the coffee table and watch some HGTV whilst he serves me ice cream with sprinkles on top -- Um... not sure about you, but I know my husband hasn't done anything of the sort as of late -- This would be why...

Dan and I made a plan before we got married as to what our 'chores' would include -- Moi? Laundry, kitchen, cleaning --Dan? Mowing, weed eating, horse duty and pretty much everything outside that needs to be done... Oh, and paying all the bills -- Is this because I'm the submissive house wife and he's the brave husband conquering provision and proving his manhood? No way... we are so not old fashioned -- It's just that that is what works for us... for now --

My forte first and foremost are relationships, a close second is writing and thirdly, counseling (which encompasses the two) -- Cleaning? Cooking? Not even sure they're on the list, although they do make it to my daily routine -- My sister-in-law is my hero -- She has 3 children all 3 and under and because her husband (my brother) is a super provider, she has the opportunity to stay home with them and raise them with her own two hands -- I was talking to her yesterday (which rarely happens) and I caught her in the middle of taking Bella and Khaki (Cassidy... but it was too hard for Bella to say, so Khaki it is) to preschool -- This is how the conversation went:

Tory: Hello?

Me: Tory! I can't believe you answered your phone! How are you?

Tory: Hey Anna... yeah, I'm getting the girls off to preschool, but I saw it was you and wanted to answer (Bella, please get in the car for mommy, we need to go)

Me: Well, do I need to call you back?

Tory: No, I'm fine (Khaki, mommy doesn't have time to get your blanket, please get in the car, now)

Me: It sounds like you need a minute... why don't you call me back.

Tory: Ok. (click)

That took a lot of convincing -- A few minutes later she dawn my phone and I answer:

Me: You sure you're good to talk?

Tory: Yes, until I get to the drop-off line, they don't allow cell phones

Me: Just hang up and call back when you're there

A mere 5 minutes later I get hung up on and about 4 seconds goes by when I get her again:

Tory: (laughing) My slip just went to school! Khaki was so sad to leave and she's been having some separation anxiety and because we didn't have time to go back in and get her blankie, she took my slip! She has it snuggled against her face and thumb in mouth --

Me: Guess it's better than having your bra go to school!

We laughed until we almost cried...

We talk for a while and catch up on all things sisterly when I hear dishes clanking in the background -- I asked if she needed to go and she said explained that if I didn't mind hearing the noise, she would be cleaning while we talked -- Omg, I thought -- Maybe I should be cleaning while we talk... nah -- We continue and I hear what I thought to be crying from their newest addition, Nathan -- Do you need to go? I hear Nathan crying -- Tory laughs, No, he's just talking -- Apparently I've been away from children way too long -- She continues to explain that she can't believe it's already 10 o'clock and she only has the kitchen cleaned up -- Only has the kitchen cleaned up? I've only had one cup of coffee and I felt ahead of the game -- Starting to feel guilty, I ask again if I should let her go -- She said no and that she does this all the time --

Suddenly my fears of being strapped to a vacuum the rest of my born days starts over taking me and then visions of children climbing into my lap, into my car and then into my bed makes my blood pressure go through the roof -- I digress -- I snapped myself back to reality when I realized she was talking about all the chores she'll do for the day... not for the next week, but that very day -- Tory... you do it all -- why do you do it all? With little understanding of what it takes to raise three children, she explains to me that Michael works long hours and when he comes home she believes he should come home to peace -- I totally get it -- It just hadn't hit me until then how much women do (especially if you're a mom) --

This conversation brought to me thoughts of Dan's missing underwear -- About every month or so I hear from the other room Do I have any clean underwear? -- Oops... I've done it again -- Is it a big surprise that I get behind on the laundry? Or at least folding the laundry -- Usually there are discrete piles lying around somewhere and I know I'll do it when I'm feeling inspired (or at least in some sort of weird daze that makes me feel like I really need accomplish something) -- Compared to Tory I have the work ethic of a chimpanzee -- I'm serious... I'd rather be writing, talking, creating, counseling, shopping, photographing -- anything that's more inspiring than watching paint dry...

I keep hearing this little saying from women who've been married a while The habits you establish in the beginning of your marriage will stay with you til the end... including how you treat yourself and what you allow your husband to expect of you -- Their point? Men will allow you to do as much as you are willing to do -- As for me? That's not too much at this point... but for a lot of women I know, it's more than they want to be doing --

I so appreciate women and all they do for their homes, husbands and children... yet I want to state another side of it -- I can say as a woman who's been there, worn that t-shirt, shopped that store and eaten that doughnut (not necessarily in that order) that it's not worth it to loose yourself whilst helping others live their lives --


Give yourself what I like to call you time -- Take a bath at the end of a long day, schedule a pedicure once a month, window shop at the mall (or splurge if you can), get a massage, take a bike ride, go to the library and read all your fave magazines, watch a movie in the middle of the day, have coffee with a friend and talk for hours... you know what it is that you love to do -- The beauty of this is you'll actually have more to give to your family at the end of the day because you took the time to fill yourself up -- Go. Do. Be. Now. -- You deserve it... promise ;0)

17 comments:

Cocaine Princess said...

Your posts are so full of insightful wisdom that it always gets me thinking and asking questions.

Your anniversary is approaching, anything special planned?

I would love to hear more about your horses.

Me! said...

I laughed when you talked about your hubby asking about clean undies -- my hubby does that about every other week. They're usually clean, but he never put them away so they get lost in the closet. :-)

I agree that chores should be shared -- I take care of the bills (only because I'm more internet savvy), laundry and flowers; hubby does the cooking, dishes and mowing. We help each other with the rest.

And if there's one thing I've learned over the last two years -- and by watching my married friends and siblings -- is that time to yourself is soo important. You are SO right. Once you have a little "me time", you'll want to have more "our time".

NewlywedCentral said...

CP -- Thank you so much for your really genuine comment -- Life's lessons have only been gained through great pain which I now thank God for --

We are staying at a Bed and Breakfast on Okrakoke Island (located at the bottom of NC) -- We are going to ride Dan's motorcycle and look at the lighthouses on the way...

As for our horses -- Dan cart raced them back in the day, until 2 years ago when he was in a terrible car accident -- Then our really fast one (Marla, who's black) cut a main artery which caused her to no longer be able to race -- We now use her as a brude mare -- She has one of the best blood lines you can ask for --

ME! -- I love how your cheery personality comes right through the computer -- Chores being shared is totally fair and I love that I have a husband who agrees :)

Glamorous Life of a House Wife said...

Oh how funny. Sometimes, I just wish I had a maid. Life would be much easier that way. :)

the cubicle's backporch said...

Mr. C and I aren't married, but we DO live together, and we have the same chores. And cooking usually falls to him, but here lately I've been cooking more.

And the laundry? I fall behind ALL THE TIME. It's usually clean, but in baskets. That counts for something, right?

I used to stress out about getting home from work and working to clean the house, or do whatever... Now I get home and work out (whether it be taking the dog for a walk/jog or jumping on the eliptical) and that's my 'me' time that's free of guilt.

Ah. A nice bubble bath would be good too.

Ruby Red Slippers said...

Loved your blog-
From someone who has been married for 12 (!) years, and still crazy about my hubby-finding your strengths in your marriage eary is easier!
Yes, moms can manage a lot, but its nice to have a helpmate. Our first year, I tried to do it all and cried on the phone to another newlywed friend in the same boat. Me and my dear figured out we might not be traditional and changed it up a bit. He cooks and cleans the bathrooms, I do the laundry and the dishes. (His gifts and my gifts seem to complete each other!) But sometimes he wears his undies inside out because laundy didn't get done...No marriage or person is perfect!
Have fun at Newlywed Central!!

Amy (Metz) Walker said...

That underwear comment was pretty funny! I have to admit, I'm a "kept" woman as well. DW does the laundry, cooks, and usually is the one to vacuum. The only thing he doesn't do is bathrooms and kitchens and I'm all about that so it totally works!

NewlywedCentral said...

Glamorous -- A maid would would be worth her weight in gold (yes, even now when 1 oz. of gold is like $900 and something dollars :)

Cubicle's back porch - Yay for you! I love to work out and it's definitely "me" time -- as for laundry, I feel like if it's clean, I've really accomplished something --

Ruby -- I love that you had a friend to cry to... I have SEVERAL and needed it in my first couple months -- Can't wait til it's 12 years for us!

Amy -- Dan usually ends up cooking, even though I'm "supposed" to -- He is really good to me -- Sounds like you've got a great husband, too :) Must say I hate bathrooms! lol

Weeksie50 said...

I just stumbled upon your blog from another.. and thought I would say Hi..

misspro312 said...

You sound just like me!!! I do the laundry but don't expect me to get it out of the dryer and fold it on the first day!!

I wish I could be a better housekeeper! Oh well!

yeahexceptfornot said...

The phone convo is so hilarious! It reminds me of me talking to my sis'n law with 3 girls from 4-1...not too long ago it was 3, 3 and under. It has gotten a little better, but it is so difficult to talk to her on the phone with screaming girls in the background!

Twenty-Something said...

Holy Hell! That woman deserves an award (or a vacation)! Talk about mom of the year, she even sacrificed her slip to give her daughter a security blanket for the day!

Weeksie50 said...

Wow! She sounds like an amazing wife and mother..

I tend to be more like you though.. Oh, it will be there when I get to it..

No hurry right? lol

Miss Caught Up said...

This is great advice! And this is why I left you a little something on my blog :)

And thank you again for helping my friend Sara. I passed your comment along to her. Thank you again.

NewlywedCentral said...

Misspro -- We all have our gifts :)

YEFN -- I HATE THAT SCREAMING :) but love my nieces/nephews :)

TS -- She is totally mom of the year in my book

W50 -- No hurryin' hear... all in good time --

MCU -- THANK YOU FOR MY AWARD :)

Shary said...

Got to admit that even Tory gets overwhelmed. She has clean laundry piled all over the bed in the guest room. She does take time for herself too. Did she tell you about the eyelash extensions? They look awesome.

Leila said...

LOL - oh my goodness I loved your "Compared to Tory I have the work ethic of a chimpanzee" comment. As someone who's known you a long time - I have to laughingly disagree... It just takes a kick sometimes to get it done WHEN you want it to - but you always get it done.

Oh - and maybe this will help with the reoccuring undies problem - my deal with my hubby is that I'll do his undies as long as he lets me know he's down to his last 2 pairs. His job - then I'll do laundry. He he!