My hope is it will be a tribute to the newlywed wives I so dearly love and enjoy --
It isn't often I hear a wife say Man, my husband just does everything... I love how when I come home the house is clean, dinner's on the table, my freshly folded clothes are in their drawers and now I can prop my feet up on the coffee table and watch some HGTV whilst he serves me ice cream with sprinkles on top -- Um... not sure about you, but I know my husband hasn't done anything of the sort as of late -- This would be why...
Dan and I made a plan before we got married as to what our 'chores' would include -- Moi? Laundry, kitchen, cleaning --Dan? Mowing, weed eating, horse duty and pretty much everything outside that needs to be done... Oh, and paying all the bills -- Is this because I'm the submissive house wife and he's the brave husband conquering provision and proving his manhood? No way... we are so not old fashioned -- It's just that that is what works for us... for now --
My forte first and foremost are relationships, a close second is writing and thirdly, counseling (which encompasses the two) -- Cleaning? Cooking? Not even sure they're on the list, although they do make it to my daily routine -- My sister-in-law is my hero -- She has 3 children all 3 and under and because her husband (my brother) is a super provider, she has the opportunity to stay home with them and raise them with her own two hands -- I was talking to her yesterday (which rarely happens) and I caught her in the middle of taking Bella and Khaki (Cassidy... but it was too hard for Bella to say, so Khaki it is) to preschool -- This is how the conversation went:
Me: Tory! I can't believe you answered your phone! How are you?
Tory: Hey Anna... yeah, I'm getting the girls off to preschool, but I saw it was you and wanted to answer (Bella, please get in the car for mommy, we need to go)
Me: Well, do I need to call you back?
Tory: No, I'm fine (Khaki, mommy doesn't have time to get your blanket, please get in the car, now)
Me: It sounds like you need a minute... why don't you call me back.
Tory: Ok. (click)
That took a lot of convincing -- A few minutes later she dawn my phone and I answer:
Me: You sure you're good to talk?
Tory: Yes, until I get to the drop-off line, they don't allow cell phones
Me: Just hang up and call back when you're there
A mere 5 minutes later I get hung up on and about 4 seconds goes by when I get her again:
Tory: (laughing) My slip just went to school! Khaki was so sad to leave and she's been having some separation anxiety and because we didn't have time to go back in and get her blankie, she took my slip! She has it snuggled against her face and thumb in mouth --
Me: Guess it's better than having your bra go to school!
We laughed until we almost cried...
We talk for a while and catch up on all things sisterly when I hear dishes clanking in the background -- I asked if she needed to go and she said explained that if I didn't mind hearing the noise, she would be cleaning while we talked -- Omg, I thought -- Maybe I should be cleaning while we talk... nah -- We continue and I hear what I thought to be crying from their newest addition, Nathan -- Do you need to go? I hear Nathan crying -- Tory laughs, No, he's just talking -- Apparently I've been away from children way too long -- She continues to explain that she can't believe it's already 10 o'clock and she only has the kitchen cleaned up -- Only has the kitchen cleaned up? I've only had one cup of coffee and I felt ahead of the game -- Starting to feel guilty, I ask again if I should let her go -- She said no and that she does this all the time --
Suddenly my fears of being strapped to a vacuum the rest of my born days starts over taking me and then visions of children climbing into my lap, into my car and then into my bed makes my blood pressure go through the roof -- I digress -- I snapped myself back to reality when I realized she was talking about all the chores she'll do for the day... not for the next week, but that very day -- Tory... you do it all -- why do you do it all? With little understanding of what it takes to raise three children, she explains to me that Michael works long hours and when he comes home she believes he should come home to peace -- I totally get it -- It just hadn't hit me until then how much women do (especially if you're a mom) --
This conversation brought to me thoughts of Dan's missing underwear -- About every month or so I hear from the other room Do I have any clean underwear? -- Oops... I've done it again -- Is it a big surprise that I get behind on the laundry? Or at least folding the laundry -- Usually there are discrete piles lying around somewhere and I know I'll do it when I'm feeling inspired (or at least in some sort of weird daze that makes me feel like I really need accomplish something) -- Compared to Tory I have the work ethic of a chimpanzee -- I'm serious... I'd rather be writing, talking, creating, counseling, shopping, photographing -- anything that's more inspiring than watching paint dry...
I keep hearing this little saying from women who've been married a while The habits you establish in the beginning of your marriage will stay with you til the end... including how you treat yourself and what you allow your husband to expect of you -- Their point? Men will allow you to do as much as you are willing to do -- As for me? That's not too much at this point... but for a lot of women I know, it's more than they want to be doing --
I so appreciate women and all they do for their homes, husbands and children... yet I want to state another side of it -- I can say as a woman who's been there, worn that t-shirt, shopped that store and eaten that doughnut (not necessarily in that order) that it's not worth it to loose yourself whilst helping others live their lives --
Give yourself what I like to call you time -- Take a bath at the end of a long day, schedule a pedicure once a month, window shop at the mall (or splurge if you can), get a massage, take a bike ride, go to the library and read all your fave magazines, watch a movie in the middle of the day, have coffee with a friend and talk for hours... you know what it is that you love to do -- The beauty of this is you'll actually have more to give to your family at the end of the day because you took the time to fill yourself up -- Go. Do. Be. Now. -- You deserve it... promise ;0)