Thursday, June 18, 2009
It's the same rock I remember, but the building was completely different. The rocks were pushing through my shoes and it was uncomfortable to walk. I'd walked this parking lot a thousand times and I never got used it. The people were the same, but also different. I felt my legs and they were shaky. My body was filled with tension, but not fear. Why was I here? What was I doing back? I told myself I'd never go back. What happened?
Thinking back, I recall Joline had phoned me and asked me to come... I missed her so much. Last thing I remember was saying OK, I'll be there. Be where? Where was I? The sight of all my friends makes my heart melt, almost bringing tears to my eyes. I see Trisha, Peter and Morgan, yet their faces are different - reflexive. Walking slowly and steadying my steps, I took in the scene that surrounded me. Familiar faces lined the parking lot and they were staring at me as though I was a foreign entity. Don't they remember me? The way I used to act, maybe I wouldn't want to remember me, either.
Without a word spoken, they raised their arms and pointed in the direction of the unfamiliar building. With hesitancy, I turned to see what they were seeing; The Enchantress stood in the bay window calling me with her eyes. She is exceptionally beautiful in every way and it's unexplainable how her expressions make you feel comfortable even when you're not sure you can trust her. Without another thought, I walked toward the door that would bring me into the building.
Unlike the soothing heat of the sun, the building was cold, damp and dark. Regardless of the windows lining the walls, there was no sunshine. I looked to the right and saw her standing there. I felt at ease, trusting her immediately regardless of my pragmatic mind. How does she do that? She smiled widely and reached out her hand for me to take. I walked toward her and took a seat in the window. Why am I here? I thought I told you I'd never come back. With placating words she replied Honey, you know this is where you belong. You were never meant to be alone in the world. It was then that I understood she'd used my friends to get me here; she knew what was important to me. I felt my throat close and suddenly I realized I had no conscious control over my thoughts.
Coming from what seemed to be nowhere, The Abuser made his presence known. I felt my heart stop. Breathe! BREATHE! my thoughts went from zero to crazy... What was I doing here? How did she trick me again? My fingernails dug deep into the wood seat I was sitting on as if that would secure me. Hello sweetheart, he said with eerie flavored tone. Say something! Get the fuck out of here! yelled my mind, but I couldn't move. He stepped closer to put his hand on my shoulder pretending he could calm me. All at once, every synapse in my body collided together, I jumped up on the seat with one fell swoop and I opened my mouth to scream... GET AWAY FROM ME!
Stepping back calmly, he brought his hands down and clasped them together in front of his body and gave me a smug look. You haven't changed much. Come talk with me, I want to ask you something. The Enchantress just stared and smiled, as if her mind was so far gone, she didn't have the comprehension to know I was in danger. Reaching out her hand to help me off the seat, she explained This is part of your healing... go with him. I was having a hard time believing talking to the The Abuser was going to be healing.
Steadying my heaving body, I stepped down only to make it clear he may not touch me. Loathing welled up within me from my toes to my ears. I could feel the heat in my face radiating. With a disgusted look on my face, I told him to get on with whatever he wanted to tell me, all the while wondering why she would lead me right to him, wasn't she supposed to protect me? After wandering for a while, we started to walk to a part of the building where the view of outside was obstructed and claustrophobia set in. My body started to shake. He finally spoke, controlling the mood, I want you to come back and live with me. I froze, now shaking more violently, my stomach was starting to do that thing it always does; burn. Seeing as I couldn't look him in the face, I simply looked off in the distance and said as if uninterested, Too bad. You don't get to call the shots anymore, I make the decisions for my life now.
Always with an inferior tone, he commented You realize you had a choice all those years, right? It's your fault we're all miserable you stupid bitch. I snapped my head up as if ice cold water had just been thrown in my face, all nerves left my body and I cracked. I was so furious, I didn't know if I should slap the shit out of him or just run like hell. I decided to leave the piece of shit standing there instead of giving him any more pleasure of my attention.
I ran back into the other room where The Enchantress stood looking coy as if my life were a game. I stopped, taking in my surroundings. The building grew ever darker and cold; those who had lined the parking lot were gone - did I imagine it? Was I going crazy? Before I could finish my thoughts, she answered them... You, my child, are lost in this world and I will forever know your weakest link. You might be leaving now, but you'll be back.
With my face down buried in my pillow, I felt the tears flowing from my eyes. My body was laid straight out with my elbows pinned to my side. My hands were grasping onto the pillow as if saving my soul. Of course my clothes were soaked and I just relaxed realizing it was another nightmare. The overwhelming sense of being controlled was filtering through my nerves. I pushed my body up with my arms, trying to come back to consciousness. Thank God I didn't go back. Reaching to find my cell phone, I wondered what time it was. It must have been almost time to get up anyway as I could see the slight dawning of the sun through my sheer window treatments. Sitting on my knees, I stepped out of bed and walked out onto my balcony deciding I'd take in the sun rise over the bay.
Why was life only peaceful when I was awake?