Wednesday, July 30, 2008

One Life To Live

Often times when you go to college you'll latch onto a few professors that you just love -- I had a good 4 or 5 that I just really connected with and couldn't seem to learn enough -- Odd as it may sound, they all left within one summer (I know...) -- This forced me to see other professors and learn and grow from them and one in particular really caught my attention -- Merrill --

Merrill's passion and vigor (if I can use that word in 2008) for the make-up of psychology and man-kind enthralled me and I really hung on his every word -- We spoke a lot about Dan and my relationship and his advise was taken to heart until one time when he said You'll soon understand we're really all alone in this world -- I sort of stared at him like he was going to retract those words and say something like You know, Anna, we all have each other to lean on and we're just one big happy family -- Didn't happen --

I took that statement and tucked into the back of my brain and let it simmer until I needed it for resolution purposes... I really wanted to understand -- 10 months into my marriage I decided to pull out this statement again and really look at it -- we're really all alone in this world -- I kept thinking Well, I have my dad and mom, my brothers and sisters, my amazing friends and of course, Dan! How the hell am I alone?! Just yesterday, it hit me -- If they all flew the coop (which they could and that would be really sad) I'd still be here... with me... to live this journey I was born for --

As a domestic violence counselor, I see women come in every day who have lost their one life to live to another person -- Often times they go into the relationship strong and independent women and come out the other a lost and hurting soul -- This is a strong example and yet this exact scenario could be happening, all abuse aside -- You marry someone in hopes to find a life to live (although you would never say that :-) and yet truly, you're here on this earth to live your own -- It sounds almost morbid and that's how I felt when Merrill uttered those words... but actually it's empowering --

My life is not contingent on Dan's life and vise versa -- There can be and is a freedom in knowing that you have your own life to live although clearly you are living together -- You may even have similar passions and goals and work together on them, but there's that fine line of I love this because my spouse loves it and I love this and do it because I want to to fulfill my own purpose --

If Dan suddenly has a change of heart, should I? I have one life to live and so do you... Don't spend it living for someone else, because when they're gone, you'll be gone too -- Find your own passions and live them out, build your own dreams and share them with your spouse, but don't let them rise or fall based on their enthusiasm -- Love who you are, love your spouse and live your one life to live --

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