Friday, August 7, 2009

Safety Zone

************************ This is a post I wrote when I very first started my blog back in April of 08'. It's a little deep for Friday, but with some of the stuff I'm going through right now, the safety I have in my husband means so much. So, I'm reposting this one as most of you likely haven't read it. Enjoy and happy Friday!


For all you sports fans, you clearly know what the safety zone is. For those of you who aren't, I'll tell you about my safety zone -- To the side of my blog it used to state states that I will "Laugh, cry with you on this blog..." and I kept wondering when I'd write something about me crying, I mean, that's a little personal, right? Truth is, life is personal... your marriage is personal... your heart and what you're facing is personal and if what I face helps anyone, then I'll put my personal stuff out there --

With a knot in my throat and the heavy beat of my heart pounding in my ears, I'll tell you about my dad. When people say "he's the best dad in the world" I know they haven't met my dad. He really is the best dad in the world. My mother left us when I was 18 months old and my father worked 3 jobs to support us... he didn't leave. Growing up he used to play "Rainy Days on Mondays" when I would cry and he watched Land Before Time with me a thousand times. He would take me to work with him and tell me I was the best helper in the world (he laid tile... not sure how a six year old could help, but I was the best). On the weekends he'd take us to the beach and play with me in the ocean for hours on end... I always felt safe, even in the midst of the mightiness of the ocean. And every night before bed he'd say "don't let the bed bugs bite" and today, if we talk at night, he still does. He always knows what to say and never says what he knows I can't handle. He is the best dad in the world and my ever present safety zone.

Since the time I can remember I've had nightmares that my dad had died. When I married Mr. Realife, it was almost a bitter sweet day as I understood he would now be 'the man' in my life. It takes time to build that unbending trust, especially when it comes to sensitive issues such as my nightmares. We are brand new in our marriage and I had my first nightmare with him there on Monday. I didn't know how he was going to react.

As I always have, I woke up shaking and sobbing and had to call my dad. His voice would assure me things were OK. There I stood on our back porch, at 5:00 in the morning, sobbing on the phone to my dad. Mr. R walks out with a really puzzled look on his face. I was a bit embarrassed {and now annoyed at myself} and shewed him away. He didn't leave. He stood waiting patiently and with empathy in his eyes.

I hung up and he asked what happened. Through my blubbering and blowing my nose I explained and he listened. Pretending he could understand what I was saying, he led me back to the bedroom. Without a word he got in bed, pulled the covers up, pulled me into his arms and held me until I fell asleep... For the first time, I knew I had a safety zone in this amazing man that I married.

10 comments:

Mike Snapp said...

Hi Anna,

I'm loving your blog. It is so fun to see you live through the same things we've dealt with for years. How exciting!

Mike Snapp

Eva said...

This is the first one I've read, and I love it. :)

Eva

Crystal said...

Ok, I would much more functional with a dad like that . . . :) Thanks for sharing your stories -- I'm trying to learn from anywhere I can because I want to give my future children that kind of love. I would definitely buy your book!

Oh, and Denise should be writing you soon about a possibe visit date!

Crystal Ferrara

Anonymous said...

You made me cry again. You are full of depth and feeling. Life is reflected in your descriptions. It is so human and we can identify. Thanks for writing.
I am touched at the find of your new safety place. How deep.
Keep it up, Anna. Love you.
b

Mrs. Stilettos said...

Ahh!! Talk about a morning tear jerker!!

Your father sounds so wonderful! You are one lucky girl! I look forward to hearing more stories about your father :)

Amber said...

Anna,
You make me cry. The warm fuzzy type of tears.
((Hugs))
~Amber
(jacceemery)

Becky said...

this was so sweet. i love it.

Cocaine Princess said...

Tremendous writing Anna.

Torie Jayne said...

Hi Anna, Just found your blog, Lovely story, I also love the story about the parking attendant, x

sarah said...

Amazing.