Thursday, August 14, 2008

Money, Money, Money

So I've been debating as to write about single-hood or money -- Since money always wins, we're going with money -- ugh --

As I wrote the title, I heard the theme song of Donald Trump's Apprentice run through my mind and then run out quickly... much like money does in my hands -- They say there is always a saver and a spender in the relationship and guess who's who :-I -- As I've said before, how can you touch people's lives if you're not touching your own -- So, get ready to see some yuck --

I'm the one in the relationship with every Gap / Ann Taylor / AT Loft / Banana Republic / Ralph Lauren (clearly I'm a prep) and Lucky Jeans, socks, hats, bandannas, shirts, skirts, ear muffs and any other bodily accessory available to the human race -- and several thousand dollars in Credit Card debt to prove it -- Some of you are shaking your head saying God, me too, she's so brave to just come out and say that and some of you are shaking your head saying OMG, I can't believe that, she's so irresponsible -- I agree with you both --

You see, I think I had a mid-life crisis at age 24 -- Seriously? Someone (won't mention any names) who I looked to for life lessons once said to me "Live it up! Everyone dies with debt." -- Why? Why, God!?! Why did I listen?! please laugh -- Anyhow, this left me in a situation where I married bringing debt to the table -- Not sure about you, but I'm too proud to let Mr. Realife pay for my mistakes and he's too smart to, so it worked out nicely -- What didn't work out so nicely is that I held onto those credit cards as a safety net for many more years even though I didn't used them like I did when I was 26 -- I promised Mr. R I would cut them up when we married... I didn't -- Then I promised I'd cut them up when I got a job... I didn't -- Then I promised... then I promised... then I promised...

With Mr. R paying for everything from our shampoo to the electric bill (and a brand new house), I was acting like a spoiled child who thought she had it so bad with all the debt I had -- I didn't have it bad, I had it good... in fact, I had it great and was taking advantage of the fact that I had an amazing husband who was taking care of it all -- Of course, I didn't see any of this until I talked to my dad why is it now easier to listen to your parents than your own husband? and saw how Mr. R might have been (and was) feeling through the eyes of a man.

Why am I telling you all this? This stuff is personal and embarrassing -- I'm telling you because the #1 reason for divorce is finances -- I'm telling you this because as good as it can all look on the outside, there is always something that a couple is facing that's hard... damn hard -- Thankfully, I have a husband who wasn't willing to continue watching me throw myself down the black whole and more than that, wasn't afraid of really addressing the issue with some tough love

-- I cut up the credit cards --

It's been a couple weeks and I can vividly see how Mr. R and I are closer -- I feel the freedom from lying to myself and to those around me -- Clearly the hard part lies ahead with getting a job and paying them off -- It's just that I'm not willing to throw my marriage down the toilet because of a bad habit... a perceived safety net -- I opened my heart and mind to where my husband was coming from and I let go -- You can do this, too... no matter how hard -- Your marriage will love you for it and give to you what money never can --


Rhonda said...

Oh Anna! Such an incredibly timed post for me. I would love to talk with you about this if you are up for it. If you have my cell number still, give me a ring. If not, pop me an email and I will send the number to you.

Shary said...

My darling daughter, you can't imagine how proud I am of you at this minute. I thank God that He brought Dan into your life to perfect the very few things that weren't already perfect!!
Love you, MOM

Twenty-Something said...

LOVE IT! Your like me... in the future. Super insightful, my fiancee appreciates this post!

So glad i stumbled onto your blog! Good luck with that credit card, CUT IT UP GIRL! (I cut one up but still hanging onto the other... maybe it's time?)

Mary De Bastos said...

Your lucky your husband can afford to take care of you! My husband was the one bringing in the debt, and even though he consolidated, the payments are so expensive that we barley make it each month! I'm having the stress of his debt. At least your husband can afford to take care of you even though you have to take care of the debt. You're lucky.

Quarterlife Query said...

I know how you feel. When my fiance and I started dating, I was the one with all the debt (over $50,000 in student loan debt, for one - but I have my Masters Degree now. . ) and he had zero debt. I think my bad habits have rubbed off on him - now he is little by little gaining more debt! We've consolidated and are working on it. . . not much of it is credit card debt at least. . it is a huge burden o relationships, that's for sure.

Suzette said...

I just found your blog thru a friends blog.. I love this post! Your honesty is so refreshing! I had the exact same problem with basically being in denial of credit card debt and in a sense addiction! Way to go on getting out of debt and moving past the rat race of credit cards! :)

d.a.r. said...

Thanks so much for the comment on my blog! I just came to yours to say hi, and found this post in the sidebar. I think you are SO BRAVE! So many people with money problems are too embarrassed or ashamed to really address them, or to even fix them. I think it is really really incredible that your marriage and your husband and YOU faced the problem head on. Wow, how awesome!

Congrats on working on getting out debt!