The Reality of Happily Ever After

Reality is so much more interesting than Happily Ever After
Grey's Anatomy

I must preface this post by stating the fact that I'm not one that buys into the Hollywood fantasy life -- I realize that behind the drama of love and bliss are lights, cameras and cue cards -- So... why would I be using a quote from one of the very shows I don't buy into? Because I love irony...

If there were ever a Romantic Optimist, her name would be Anna (that's me!) -- and if there were ever a Realistic Realist, his name would be Dan (that's my husband!) and if there were ever a couple more different... that would be Anna and Dan (that's us!) -- I would love to tell you that our days are filled with joyous laughter, sweet nothings and whispers of love in each others ears... but I won't lie -- Although my life growing up was the farthest picture from fantasy, I most certainly believed that because my marriage would be mine, I would make it picture perfect -- (do I hear laughter?)

Dan and I celebrated one year of what some would refer to as the 'Happily Ever After' time period this past weekend and I'm alive to tell you about it... that's a good sign -- As a writer, I could use a lot of fluffy words to tell you about our blissfully romantic getaway and all the sweet lovey-dovey things we did, and you might just even ooh and aah over it all, but you get enough of that on Gossip Girl, Grey's and Desperate Housewives -- I want you to see that while Dan and my life, as Chapters says, is perfect, even when its not, it's by no means a fantasy, it's reality and it's so much more interesting than Happily Ever After --

Looking back is healthy and helps you move forward if you look properly -- Sometimes I feel like we have to see where we've been to remind us of where we're going -- I see milestones, such as our one year anniversary, as opportunities to stop within the whirlwind of life and refocus our lives on what's important -- In discussing our first year together, I asked Dan what his favorite part of our first year was and he said he'd have to think about it... (surprised?) Well, being me, I'd already thought about my favorite stuff -- It came down to two things... 1) I feel more secure and stable now than I ever have... I truly belong somewhere and I'm wanted there -- 2) We've become and are continuing to become best friends --

Dan and I knew each other all of 4 months when he proposed -- Yep..... something I vowed I'd never do, I did it -- Although then I told him I wanted 4 more seasons together -- Unbeknown to us, those next 4 seasons were filled with more stresses than one should ever have to endure -- Planning the wedding, full-time school, part-time work, interning 25 hours a week, commuting back and forth to Dan's (an hour away), Dan's father dying, building a house, moving to a new city and.............. do you need more? It wasn't exactly a breeding ground for mushy gushy, although we understood if we could make it through those times, we could make it through anything --

Once we put ourselves in a situation where we were inevitably inseparable (a little something called marriage), we had the opportunity to either become the best of friends or the greatest of enemies -- Some of you may have had the luxury of being friends first -- Clearly, Dan and I liked each other and certainly loved one another enough to marry, but true friendship takes a long time to develop -- What I've discovered and now hold as my true belief is Friendship is not born out of love, but love is born from friendship -- The reality of this friendship is so much more invigorating than a fantasy wonderland relationship --

The truest and most intimate of times are when Dan and I look at each other and know what we're thinking or when I hear stress in Dan's voice and I'm able to make him laugh -- How Dan can make fun of me when I get a shit-eatin' grin on my face while watching a romantic movie or the fact that I can bust on Dan for over exaggerating and he on me for overreacting to nothing -- How we don't have to explain ourselves when we're in a poopy mood and we're short with each other and the way we laugh about nothing until we can't breath -- It's being able to need alone time without the other getting offended and asking one another about our days because we sincerely care -- It's the kisses goodbye and love ya's before we hang up -- It's really the small things that make our marriage what it is --

So, today or any other time when you're bumming about your marriage not being what you'd expected it to be, think about what really matters... think of how the real things, the small things, the behind the scene things are what's keeping your marriage alive and kickin' -- Those are the things that make up your Happily Ever After --

p.s. --

I have a little secret that's helped me along through my first year -- There is a well renown Marriage and Family Therapist I just absolutely love -- His name is John Gottman and you can find out more about him by clicking here -- He wrote a book The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work and the wisdom found in these pages is incredible -- I'm not one for just do these 10 things and you'll have a perfect life kind of books, but I did read through certain sections I knew I personally had issues with and it really helped --

p.p.s. --

Dan and I went here for our one year anniversary -- It's on an island in NC called Ocracoke -- I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who wants to truly escape reality for a few days ;0)