Monday, January 5, 2009

NOT ME MONDAY!!

Inspired by MckMama and her MSC*

Well folks, looky here -- It's Monday. Again. Seems to always happen right after Sunday -- What a coincidence cowinkydink (pronounced co-winky-dink) Um... yeah. Getting on with it --

I forewarn you that this post will mostly consist of fecal matter and all things puppy -- Why? Because Dan and I have brought this pooping and peeing machine sweet little muffkin (muffin and pumpkin mix ;0) into our lives and I am we are completely overwhelmed with little Elly Mae --

First and foremost, as you may or may not remember, I only work part-time within my counseling agency -- This means 20 hours a week -- Seeing as I took a 6 day work hiatus, when we returned from our trip, I jumped into a 40 hour work week to make up -- This would mean Dan spent all those hours loving our new muffkin Elly Mae -- So... what does all this mean? Dan needed to get up for something and because Elly was falling asleep on him, he put her on me -- Elly would never wake up, look grievously over toward Dan and whine -- No... Elly is not my dog and no, she did not dis me for Dan and no, I would never feel like a neglectful mother -- Nope! Not Me!

I have not been woken up at least 3 times a night to get dressed and undressed in warm clothes to train our pee machine new baby that she must go outside to relieve herself and I did not have to explain to more than one client last week why I was yawning through most of their session -- To add to my misery On top of this, Dan was sick with a horrible cold/cough, so when Elly wasn't whining, Dan was I was not covering my head with a pillow to drown out the sound of a wheezing/coughing husband! -- Nope! Not Me!

Oh, boy, this is making me laugh even as I begin to write (well, type) it -- I do not live in a town where I can drive 9 ways to work, 3 of them consisting of dirt roads -- With this, I would never almost drive off one of these bumpy, pothole filled roads lovely countryside roads when I saw, at 8:30 am mind you, a man sitting on the hood of a rusted, broken down 1976 Ford truck, drinking a beer with his entire butt crack showing the larger part of his bottom side revealing itself to the world -- I did not curse the day I moved to this godforsaken town small town in NC and I would never call Dan and beg to move... Nope! Not Me!

Just a side note... I had to work at the agency this morning and got caught there til 2 on a crisis -- Then I was kicked out of my office graciously gave up my office for another client and so... I did not have to make a pit stop at the local Library to finish this post before I head off to my other job... I mean seriously, this is not that important -- Nope! Not Me!

All I can say is thank God for hardwood floors -- Elly is 8 weeks old, I mean come on folks, don't you think she should know how to poop outside yet (please laugh... I'm not that stupid) -- So... unbeknown to Dan or me, Elly left a large pile of poop little gift for us at the edge of our doorway to our room, so when I was awoken for the first time last night and dressed in all my cold weather garb to take her out... I did not slip and slide in poop and almost fall on my arse, completing what some may call a cartoon like move when I whipped myself around, hit my head on the wall and bounced backward into our dining room table -- I love you little Elly Mae -- Nope! Not Me!

Well... I must stop boring you with my Not Me's and get on my way to another week of fun and exciting escapades -- BUT -- As promised, I will be posting about Dan and my Christmas adventure across 13 freaking states to visit our wonderful families -- Happy Monday!

*Many Small Children

17 comments:

CrYsTAL said...

I love not me monday's... of course mine don't usually involve fecal matter, LOL

Ms. Salti said...

I think I may have lost it and ran screaming if I had stepped in the "little gift," and having seen the "great divide." In fact, I'm surprised you're still in NC. I hope your poor head is ok after bonking it!

Megan said...

LOL OMGosh! Thank GOD I have never slipped in my dogs poo. I would totally freak out! LOL Sorry you hit your head...hopefully you haven't done any permanent damage. :0P

And yeah....plumber crack...not so attractive! Bleh!

Mrs. S said...

Oh friend--- I am so there. I am STILL trying to train Gracie not to pee in the house. We got the poo thing down for the most part. *sigh*

Your poor head! I hope you are okay! And I hope Elly Mae comes around soon with all the pottying!! And if you dont mind where in NC do you live? I work in a little seaside town in NC just started a couple of months ago, but I live in SC!

Cocaine Princess said...

I wasn't expecting to be reading about the subject of 'the little gift' on Not Me Mondays. Hilarious!

Cocaine Princess said...

PS
Happy New!

Saskia said...

That post was so funny! I'm sorry Elly is leaving you 'presents' but hopefully soon they will feel like a distant memory!

Saskia x

LyndsAU said...

ok-this had me cracking up!! oh the joys of little pooping machines :) ha! it's all worth it though! I promise!!

Saskia said...

PS I've tagged you!

Chloie said...

Love your blog, you're hilarious! Anyway, there's an award for you at my blog.

Bride Sophisticate said...

Great post! Sorry to hear that the little one is leaving you presents, keep the faith, she will learn!!

Bride Sophisticate said...

P.S. I've awarded you on my latest blog post!

Rachel said...

This was funny!!! I have to take the highway to work and it costs me about 4 bucks a day round trip...almost all highways in Florida are toll roads!

Mrs. Not-so-Domesticated said...

oh my gosh...I love her!...she makes me feel better about my horrible puppy days. I promise it gets better! Love your Not Me's!

Mrs. Ruby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Ruby said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog...I love reading yours! I'm definitely a follower. ;)

Doublebanker said...

I like the adjectives getting strike-throughed. Good post