Dear Dad...

For as far back as I can remember, your presence in my life has been a constant. This is how I remember things...

December of 77 -- I was a birthday present to you and you love me more than life itself
You work 2 jobs to support me, my brother and mom

I turn 18 months old your heart is broken a second time: Mom leaves a note saying she has left for good

Instead of just 2 jobs, you now work 3 jobs to support Matt and me and pay off mom's debts

Not long after, you meet Shary, who has also been left behind with 3 kids and she takes care of us while you work

I am 3 years old now... you fall in love and marry Shary... now we are a family of 7 with 5 kids - 7 years of age and under

Shortly after, your trust is further broken and you decide it's time to move from Pennsylvania to Florida

Your family is there, so that is one of the best parts about moving

We live in a 2 bedroom apartment... all 5 kids in one bedroom -- Good thing we are little

You work long hours, but you love us and so, as always, you do what it takes to provide for us

I'm 4 now and we move into our first house in Royal Palm Beach and even though you are the one to let me watch "Carrie", you comfort me when I have nightmares {yes, I'm laughing :-}

I love going to the park right up the road with you and playing softball... thanks for always being so patient

I meet my mother for one of the first times that I remember and I feel confused... You take me to Burger King and try to explain some things... I don't understand, but I trust you

Two years pass and we grow out of our house and you and mom have a larger house built in West Palm Beach, business is good.

I tell you a secret and my visits to my mom stop for a while... Your

It seems I am an emotional child have a lot of feelings to express... you play Carpenter songs like "Rainy Days on Mondays" to cheer me up...

You take me to work with you and even though I am more scattered than a help, you always tell me "You are my best helper" {we all know Eva was, for real ;-}

We go for Dairy Queen as a special treat... Vanilla cone dipped in chocolate is your favorite and therefore my favorite

Weekends are filled with BBQ's on the beach

Land Before Time comes out and you take me to see it... It's my favorite movie and you quote lines like "Now you listen to old Rooter" when you want to cheer me up

You teach me about God and that He loves me -- I trust you

Sixth grade was fast approaching and you announce that we are moving away to a small town in North Florida - 500 people to be exact

Times are hard with the recession that hit - You have to travel back and forth to Orlando to support us

You take me with you one week and I try and convince you to let me go live with my mom... you tell me no, that's it's not the right time

Five years pass and I grow more and more angry that you're in Orlando working and more curious about who my mother is... You see this and when you find out I was going to leave without your permission to go live with her, you tell me "If you wait until Christmas, I'll buy your ticket"

I left you on my 17th birthday - I break your heart

10 years go by - I call on occasion - I visit Thanksgivings - I think you're wrong about my mom and I'm mean and angry - You continue to pray for me - love me - support me and give me words of wisdom - I ignore them because I think I know better and continue to break your heart -

Still, you come and see me graduate High School... Graduate college - Always supportive - Always loving - ever kind - never angry -

I'm almost 27 now and my life completely falls apart - I realize the reality of the life I'd been living and I call you for support - My heart is broken - My life is broken - You tell me that you love me and that you are there for me because you'd been there before, too - You understand -

I fall into a deep depression and 6 months later I'm on your doorstep needing to find myself again - You welcome me with open arms and pay for me to go to China with you and mom to see Sarah... you hope it helps heal my heart - It works -

I stay with you for 4 months and just as is typical of me, I'm off on another adventure... You tell me I should stay another year and get my finances straight - I again ignore you, thinking I know better

{MAN! You'd think I would have learned by now...

at least I wasn't going off to do something destructive again :-}

I start my Master's that Fall - you and mom and Eva come and visit my new apartment - I'm overwhelmed by your presence and love for me - My heart continues to heal -

I have several nightmares over the next year and call you a lot - You continue to comfort me, give me your wise words and tell me that you too, still have dreams sometimes... but time will heal all wounds - I trust you -

I start counseling and realize I haven't forgiven myself for leaving you - I call and apologize for being selfish and not understanding what you were sacrificing for our family working in Orlando - You tell me that there's nothing to apologize for, that you understood it was time for me to know my mother -

It's the following summer now and I call to tell you that I've met a man that I love and I want to bring him for Thanksgiving... You are happy for me and tell me to bring him -

He's just like you but talks more - He's a hard worker, stable, trustworthy, honest, sincere in his intentions, loves motorcycles and loves me - You like him and that seals the deal for me -

I'm engaged and you're happy for me -- still trying to help me get my finances straight, I'm still not listening, although at least now I'm trying - You still support me and love me -

My wedding day - You are there at my side - You tell me that I've never looked more beautiful and that you are proud of me - I tell you that even though I'm getting married, I'll still need you - It was a bittersweet day for me -

3 months into my marriage, I'm depressed - Of course I call you - You help me understand how a man thinks and some of the things D might be going through, too - You two are so much alike and I thank God for him and thank you for understanding, as always - My marriage starts to really blossom -

D and I build a house and you take your week vacation to come and install tile in our two baths and kitchen/laundry room - You work so hard to make it perfect for me - I love having you here and dread the day you leave - Your van gets snow on it for the first time in 25 years... you have me take a picture - I just love you -

We have a better relationship now than we ever have - I can talk to you about anything - I still go to Dairy Queen every couple months and get a vanilla cone dipped in chocolate and pretend we're eating it together - I miss you -

You come to see me graduate - You come to see me in my first theater performance - You call just to say "I love you" and you are always happy to hear my voice -

Dad... you are my hero, my role model, a picture of who I hope to be - You are my daddy and father and there is no one I love more than you...

Happy Father's Day

p.s. -- For my readers
I wrote this post a while ago about my dad
if you want a little background :)