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Thank you so much for surprising me this morning! I love surprises. Really. I do. I love when I have no idea something is going on behind the scenes and it's being planned just for me. It makes me feel special that you chose my checking account to take out nearly $500 more than you should have. According to your customer service department, this surprise has been being planned for nearly 9 months. Really. I should be so lucky.
I would also like to thank you for not cooperating when I called to talk to you about this surprise. I really love it when I'm told There's nothing I can do by the people who surprised me to begin with. Of course, when I told you with stronger than necessary force Then get someone on the phone who can do something, you begrudgingly politely obliged.
It's a good thing you have trained managers who know how to patronize you to death before "doing all they can to straighten out the matter". I'm so glad you understand I didn't ask for this surprise and that another one of your incompetent customer service workers made this mistake and that's why I also have 9 months of late fees accrued on my account even. though. I. have. auto.matic. withdraw. Seriously. You guys are awesome. What can I do to thank you?
Don't worry VW, I didn't need that $500 to feed my family, fill up my tank with gas or buy toilet paper so we can wipe our asses backsides. You go ahead and take your time sending me a check in. the. mail. because it's not 2009 where they have a little system called ELECTRONIC DEPOSIT!!! No really. Please. Take all the time you need. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you, the very company who went through all the trouble to plan this surprise for me. Be my freaking guest.
With much hatred,
