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Me (on my way to work): Hey Babe!
D: I know I'm not going crazy here, but is the bedroom remote in your work bag?
Me: Um... I don't think so -- I don't remember touching the remote this morning, what's wrong?
D: I know I'm not crazy. I can't find the remote. I had it. I turned the TV on this morning with it. You sure you don't have it?
Me: Well, I'll check, but I'm pretty sure I don't.
D: OK, call me back if you find it. Love ya
Me: (laughing under my breathe knowing he's dead serious) OK, love ya!
9:06 - Phone rings, again...
Me: Hey Babe, did you find it?
D: NO! I'm going crazy! I'm serious. I've looked through all our cabinets, I cleaned out the fridge, I looked through all the kitchen drawers. I've torn our bed apart. I'm serious, I started from the corner of our room and I've looked through everything we own. It's disappeared into thin air.
Me: (trying not to lose it, because I know he's serious... it's just that I know he stinks at finding things) Well, it has to be somewhere, it doesn't have legs. OK, I'll pull over and really look through my bag.
D: Please do. I know I wrapped up your pizza in the tin foil, it can't be in there, but maybe it's in your lunch bag.
Me: Yup, maybe it's in there, I'll check. (lots of rustling) Nope! Not in here... I'm sorry babe, that's really frustrating for you.
D: Tell me about it! I know I'm 38 y/o, but I'm not old enough to be going senile. I mean, wait, let me check the toilet. I know I would have seen it go into the toilet and I don't think I could have flushed it, it wouldn't go down.
Me: You're right about that, honey. The toilet would definitely not flush.
D: Nope, not in the toilet. I'm serious, I'm not leaving this house today until I find it.
Me: How about the closet?
D: Well, I didn't go in the closet, but then again, I thought I may have wrapped it in tin foil, so why not check, right?
Me: (Now, I'm losing it laughing) That's right, honey.
D: I've only done so much since I got out of bed 30 minutes ago, it can't be far...... (pause, silence... silence...) I FOUND IT! IT WAS UNDER THE DRESSER BEHIND MY GUN! (D, now talking to the dog) Elly! Did you take the control?! Come up here so I can smoosh your muffin face. (lots of kisses cause she's so darn cute) A******, Elly took it! She dragged it under the dresser. I knew I wasn't crazy.
The Culprit
