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It's more and more seemingly obvious that between theknot.com, thenest.com, David's Bridal and every other advertisement in every other magazine, marriage is being sold to couples, just as someone would sell you a car -- It's as if to say "See how much fun it would be if you got married? And if you buy all our stuff you're marriage will be that much happier." The problem is that you are not buying a car you can trade in when the warranty runs out --
The truth is, your marriage will be no more successful if you have the $3,000 gown, the $100,000 flower arrangements or the $13,000 wedding videographer -- The day will be over within 24 hours and you walk away with just each other -- Then comes post wedding day -- What we have to offer you is the ever dreamy honeymoon in which if you don't go on an exotic 2 week getaway or you're marriage may just be doomed for destruction -- I mean... surely this is where true love is fostered and grows wildly? -- They are serving you the biggest crock of bologna sandwich I have ever heard of --
It's when you get home and it's time to decide who'd doing the dishes that night because you're both exhausted or when the bills are due and you come up short and it's a guessing game as to who's going to be blamed this time or when one or the other is gone all the time and it's left you feeling insecure as to why -- these are the realities of being a newlywed -- These are the issues newlyweds work out and resolve -- if you choose to put the work in now to truly resolve them, when the issue comes up later, you'll be more familiar with the process and it won't be knocking you off your newlywed bliss --
It's a time when you may be asking yourself "Who is this alien I've invited into my life?!" It's a time period in which you are working to understand and love your life long partner -- Your first, second, third or even forth and fifth year of marriage is a time of building your foundation for the next 30,40 or 50 years -- IT TAKES WORK TO BUILD IT STRONG ENOUGH! -- It's the time when you pull out all the stops when it comes to communicating, interpreting, acceptance, tolerance and setting boundaries -- It's hard --
When people find out Dan and I have only been married 4,5,6, or 7 months, the first words they utter out of their innocent mouths are usually "Oh... you're just newlyweds, you must being having so much fun!" FUN!?! What the hell are you talking about?! Can I hit you now or later? -- I'm not saying we don't have our incredible times together because we do... but the reality is we are going through a growing process and the pains of it aren't "fun" --
Conclusion? Our society has painted this beautiful, elegant and 'fun' picture of marriage and as a newlywed you can feel like such a failure when every day isn't like going to Disney Land -- My encouragement to you is to look beyond The Nest magazine for the way life should be going, look outside the very shallow lens of the advertising world that dictates what your next move should be and look toward your own personal goals for where you're going with this amazing and successful marriage of yours --
Monday, June 9, 2008
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3 comments:
You are so right on this one! Even after being married for almost 10 years I am tempted fall into some sort of mold that society dictates. That isn't the point of life though!! Loved everything you wrote :)
I, too, become frustrated with the rolling of eyes, and the "oh, you are still in your honeymoon phase". As I stop and stare unbelievingly at them, every fiber in my being wants to scream, um, no, that ended IN the honeymoon. Even with the shorter dating time period that Ray and I experienced, we, I guess, "skipped" the traditional "honeymooning". Not that I never was ga-ga over him and looked past his supposed flaws (those are what make him Ray, but that's another comment). More so that we were real from the beginning. So if we disagreed on an issue, we duked it out then and there. We were never fake with each other--and that's my favorite part. So though we have definitely had to learn to fight fair and argue constructively, I'm glad we started from the get go. We get to start our honeymoon phase as we mature :).
I am getting married in a couple months and I swore off the whole expensive, buy into the scheme of the "Societal Wedding" My Fiance and I have been together for 6 years and this is just our ultimate show of our dedication to each other and the love we share. It isn't suppose to make my family and myself poor, or companies rich. It is just to be enjoyed...so if someone thinks my flowers suck or food is terrible...too bad it isn't about all that. Its about choosing one person to love and support the rest of your life. Its sad that those around us have made it acceptable to spend $30,000 or more easily on a day. That money is meaningless, it doesnt mean you love each other more.
NOW I am not gonna elope, but I have found ways to be thrifty and classy. I enjoy the posts
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