NOT ME MONDAY!!

Inspired by MckMama and her MSC*

OK -- So... some of my Not Me's could be considered conservative, although some of them have almost caused a nervous breakdown been a stretch for me -- But when I read this on MckMama's Not Me Monday post last week, I said the hell with it... I'm gonna go for it --

So I'm not actually going to tell you that there's no way I had gas so badly while tutoring that I let it out in the chair more times than I can count... I did not sit and pray the kids couldn't smell it -- You see, I don't have a sense of smell and it was silent, so... er... it was fine, right? Seriously, who would do that? NOT ME!!!

Who knew that dressing a 2 lb. dog would be so hard -- Clearly it's the winter and Dan and I are good parents -- Really... we. are. -- That's why we did not attempt to dress Elly Mae in a sock to keep her warm -- This is not because she is too tiny to fit into anything we've found at the pet stores -- I absolutely did not say You know you're a redneck when you dress your dog in an old sock and I knew we'd been busted -- Nope! Not Me!

Dan is constantly saying to me You ought to keep your car clean just in case you ever have someone ride with you on a whim -- Well, I would never ignore his advice like I always do about things I think aren't important because I'm just that kind of wife -- This would absolutely not come back and bite me in the arse as I found myself scrambling to throw all my shit treasured belongings into the hatch of my car because a client. would. never. need. a. ride. home. -- Seriously... I don't work with people who may need a ride from time to time -- I am not an idiot -- Nope! Not Me!

Our guest bedroom does not look like Christmas blew up in it -- This is not because when I took all the decorations down I was too lazy to take them upstairs Dan wasn't available to help and so... there they sit -- We do not have guests coming this weekend and I did not waste this entire weekend lazing around I'm not working til 8 three nights this week, so I will not be totally exhausted because I suck domestically as I have a long week ahead of me -- Nope! Not Me!

OK -- This Not Me Monday really wasn't supposed to be all things puppy, but it seems she has over taken my life -- An update on our pee/poop machine muffkin is that she's doing much better with pooping where she is supposed to... Peeing is another story -- With this, I have not been on an covert operation to cleanup pee spots as quickly as possible and I did not happen to stop dead in my fluffy socks to notice this:

You know you're a redneck you love your dog when their bed consists of old socks, an arm sling, your scarf, old towels and t-shirts just so your baby dog will feel comforted by your scent -- Seriously... I would absolutely never do this! Nope! NOT ME!!!

Oh, and my husband is not in the other room screaming like a maniac at the TV -- I mean, we all know they can hear us, but. come. on. - Do we have to yell? :) Nope! Not My Husband!

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!

*Many Small Children