You Just Might...

... see one of these flying over your head on your way to work if you live in PoDunk, USA

My car did not need to be any filthier. Thanks.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I hate the time change. I really just wonder who's place the government thinks they are taking... Ugh -- I did not have to wake up at 6:30 7:30 a.m. Sunday to teach a Sunday School class on Sex -- I did not just say that. You don't talk to 7th, 8th and 9th grade babies kids about sex... especially in church. Seriously, what sort of person would I be? Good thing I didn't do that! Not Me!

Remember that musical I'm in? I love it. The only way to describe it is it's like reconnecting with your best friend after not seeing your best fried for 5 years. I. Love. being. the. center. of. attention. to. Sing. -- I'm meeting some wonderfully talented women and I just love it. If you're a singer, you know that you really shouldn't stuff your face like a maniac eat before singing. Well, I would never show up at every practice with fries, burgers, mozzarella sticks and soft drinks, oh my {am I in the Wizard of Oz?} not me. I'm way to health conscious for that and the other women might think I have no idea how to take care of my voice. So it's a good thing I'm not eating like a pig fast food because that would be really inappropriate {not to mention I'd like to keep my girlish figure} Not Me!

I did not wash my hair twice in the shower this morning because I'm so tired. My hair really does do fine with one wash. To add to this, I did not shave one leg, get distracted by the fact that I forgot to wash my face and then get out of the shower with my other leg a forgotten thought. Clearly I'm not sleep deprived. Really. I'm not.

Do any of you have cars? Yeah. I drive a trash dump one. I finally took D's advice to clean it before someone needs a ride somewhere and cuts me off as their friend because it's so nasty. I was not busy enough yesterday, so between the wedding shower and rehearsal I cleaned out my trash dump car. I would never tell you that it took an hour just to remove the junk and put it all in its proper places the trash. I mean there's no way one little VW Rabbit could hold that. much. junk. -- Good thing it was not that dirty.

Well... That's Not Me... I hope you will get some therapy and join in!

Happy Monday!

NOT ME MONDAY!!

Inspired by MckMama and her MSC*

OK -- So... some of my Not Me's could be considered conservative, although some of them have almost caused a nervous breakdown been a stretch for me -- But when I read this on MckMama's Not Me Monday post last week, I said the hell with it... I'm gonna go for it --

So I'm not actually going to tell you that there's no way I had gas so badly while tutoring that I let it out in the chair more times than I can count... I did not sit and pray the kids couldn't smell it -- You see, I don't have a sense of smell and it was silent, so... er... it was fine, right? Seriously, who would do that? NOT ME!!!

Who knew that dressing a 2 lb. dog would be so hard -- Clearly it's the winter and Dan and I are good parents -- Really... we. are. -- That's why we did not attempt to dress Elly Mae in a sock to keep her warm -- This is not because she is too tiny to fit into anything we've found at the pet stores -- I absolutely did not say You know you're a redneck when you dress your dog in an old sock and I knew we'd been busted -- Nope! Not Me!

Dan is constantly saying to me You ought to keep your car clean just in case you ever have someone ride with you on a whim -- Well, I would never ignore his advice like I always do about things I think aren't important because I'm just that kind of wife -- This would absolutely not come back and bite me in the arse as I found myself scrambling to throw all my shit treasured belongings into the hatch of my car because a client. would. never. need. a. ride. home. -- Seriously... I don't work with people who may need a ride from time to time -- I am not an idiot -- Nope! Not Me!

Our guest bedroom does not look like Christmas blew up in it -- This is not because when I took all the decorations down I was too lazy to take them upstairs Dan wasn't available to help and so... there they sit -- We do not have guests coming this weekend and I did not waste this entire weekend lazing around I'm not working til 8 three nights this week, so I will not be totally exhausted because I suck domestically as I have a long week ahead of me -- Nope! Not Me!

OK -- This Not Me Monday really wasn't supposed to be all things puppy, but it seems she has over taken my life -- An update on our pee/poop machine muffkin is that she's doing much better with pooping where she is supposed to... Peeing is another story -- With this, I have not been on an covert operation to cleanup pee spots as quickly as possible and I did not happen to stop dead in my fluffy socks to notice this:

You know you're a redneck you love your dog when their bed consists of old socks, an arm sling, your scarf, old towels and t-shirts just so your baby dog will feel comforted by your scent -- Seriously... I would absolutely never do this! Nope! NOT ME!!!

Oh, and my husband is not in the other room screaming like a maniac at the TV -- I mean, we all know they can hear us, but. come. on. - Do we have to yell? :) Nope! Not My Husband!

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!

*Many Small Children

NOT ME MONDAY!

Inspired by MckMama at MyCharmingKids

I would NEVER do a HOLIDAY GIVEAWAY!!!! I do not love the Holiday Season and so I'm not giving away a very fun and fabulous prize December 1st! Nope! Not Me!

I did not receive the same award from two AWESOME bloggers this week -- Thank you, Kristy and Elizabeth!!! And it did not totally make my entire day and I am not totally feeling the love! Nope! Not me!


I would never leave my very expensive (not to mention my most prized possession for obvious reasons) wedding ring in the shower and my husband would never take it and hide it to teach me a lesson (really... he's not cruel :) and I would never run around the house freaking out like a dog on cocaine looking for it... Nope! Not me!

I would never run over a packet of ketchup (and therefore have a red speckled car), spill coffee all over my front seat and bust a whole through the bottom of my Styrofoam cup (holding Root Beer) by jamming the straw through it, all. in. the. same. day. -- Never... Nope! Not me!

I would never take my niece and nephew out to dinner and a movie just to get a little birth control, because I would never be getting the baby itch because of MckMama's babies -- (Seriously... I love my niece and nephew and have the time of my life with them... but it does help clear the air of needing babies :) -- Nope! Not me!

Lastly... but definitely not least (like, for real)... I would never be missing my family's yearly Thanksgiving/Christmas tradition at my parents house because for the first time in my life I can't take off work... I'm not totally and completely feeling the sadness of not being with everyone and I'm not completely feeling lonely :( I would never love my family more than anything in this world and this is a SHOUT OUT to them! Nope! Not me!

Now get on the ball and sign up for my HOLIDAY GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!