Tuesday Talk: Fix It

Mr. Realife is considering changing directions in his career as he has been the owner of his Landscaping company for 19 years and is getting tired... I don't blame him. Especially when it's 95 degrees outside and you can see the humidity it's so thick. Whilst mulling around a lot of ideas, becoming a paramedic came up - fast forward a few weeks.

We were stopped at a red light in front of the hospital and we saw an ambulance pull out with 3 women paramedics sitting in the front seat. Being the jokers that we are, we both looked at each other with grins on our faces and he says See honey, I'll be in good company! Of course we laugh and flirt a little with each other cause we're cute like that...

Two minutes later I got my serious on, with a flare of pragmatism... I said to him, You know what? If you ever believe that the grass is greener on the other side and decide that you truly think another woman will make you happier, then go for it. I know that sounds crazy, but I don't want to have to prove I'm worth sticking around for and I don't do jealous. Been there, done that and it's totally not worth my energy. He looked at me like I had two heads and then responded What you just said is precisely why I don't think the grass is greener.

I don't hold him too tightly.

Jealously is not very pretty. It's a word we like to avoid and pretend we don't feel, but it's very real and very powerful and it would be difficult to believe you've never felt its presence. For example... jealous of that neighbor girl who had the barbie princess house you wanted. Jealous of your teammate who was picked as the all-star player of the year when you'd practiced so hard. Jealous of your best friend who got the guy you were eying. Jealous of your colleague who got the promotion you know you deserved. You know... jealous. Yuck.

Within a healthy relationship, jealously shouldn't be an issue. I had never heard it explained so well until I had a conversation with a colleague of mine recently. She was telling me about a new relationship that's forming with a man that is, well... let's just leave it at he's quite a looker and works in a very prominent career. He was sort of putting his feelers out there to see if she would be able to handle how women hunt him down sometimes respond to him. He wasn't at all trying to be egotistical, just logical as his last relationship didn't work out because of this issue and asked "Would you be able to trust that I'm a one woman kind of man and believe deeply in monogamy?"

To this question, my colleague responded "Fix it"

While telling me this story, I looked at her perplexed, Fix it? She got a huge smile on her face and said, Yep! He better fix it. That man has the power to make sure those women around him know he's not available. If he's in his studio and a woman is reaching over him, he needs to offer her a chair, letting her know he's not available and doesn't appreciate her gesture. He either enjoys the attention or he needs to fix it.

While she is not married, she said what I've believed to be true for so long, but in the most simple terms. If the person you're married to truly cares about the person they are in a relationship with, they won't leave any room for jealously. And while jealousy is a normal human response to defending what is rightfully yours, your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend has it within their to fix it.

Mr. Realife has never, not even once, ever given me a reason to feel jealous. We are able to joke around about it and I believe that is healthy. When I told him Be my guest if you think the grass is greener... It's because I'm incredibly secure in knowing that he loves me. Yet, while he makes me feel secure, I am also responsible to feel secure in myself. I know that I offer a lot to our relationship and if that's not good enough for him, then clearly he needs something else and that is not my issue.

Jealousy. Any thoughts?