Seriously?

I don't know that I have too many friends whose first description of me would be she's the serious type -- Yet, truth be told, I am -- I take life to heart, I see people's lives through a lens of possibility, I seize moments that matter and I'm constantly writing about it in my mind so I can share all of it with readers like you -- With this, I'm naturally a free spirit who loves spontaneity, emotion, heart felt stories and kicking back on a crisp fall day with a cup-o-joe -- I like positive perspectives and when things don't turn out as positively, my heart breaks --

I sat in a trance, staring at the children sitting at my tutoring table -- They were doing their work so diligently and concentrating with every cell in their body -- As I gave instruction on how to read a word or figure a math problem, I watched them soaking up the information like a sponge to water -- At one point, I saw Alayna (name changed) writing, erasing, re-writing and repeating this sequence several times over it hit me that she was struggling to learn a skill that was second hand to me -- She was so serious --

It brought thoughts to my mind of middle/high school girls struggling to fit in or be the most popular -- They go to extreme lengths to feel beautiful, accepted, loved -- They use internet sites (not in my day, we still used typewriters) to create cliques and slander other girls so they can feel like they're at the top of the food chain, per se -- They don't eat for weeks so they can look glamorous in a prom dress or have the attention of whom they believe to be their fateful prince -- They give their bodies away in hopes to finally feel that complete fulfillment -- They are so serious --

I then see the college age students, giving up everything because they've got to get the A -- To be at the head of their class -- They give up dinners, parties, movie night, relationships and sleeping all to graduate valedictorian (I can barely spell it!) -- They move into the high rolling career and they loose themselves in it, it becomes who they are, what they breath, eat and sleep... it consumes their very being -- It's all so serious --

Then I see myself -- newly married -- While I didn't give up my family and friends, they most certainly lost me for a while -- I chose Dan over a lot of activities, girls nights out or study groups (when in school) -- I went from putting my all into our relationship to making it my all -- It took me about six months to realize I could come out of my newlywed self and interact with the world and I wouldn't loose my marriage -- I know this may sound kind of funny... but when you're first married, things seem fragile -- Every lesson learned seems ginormous and every word spoken seems like it's worth its weight in gold -- Then you learn that he/she is not going anywhere and you can relax... We were so serious -- (at least I was)

Now, when I enter my office and sit with women whose lives have been tortured not only recently, but since the time they breathed their first breath of air, my heart immediately attaches to their pain, emotions run high and all my natural and learned gifts come flying to the surface -- I am serious -- When I read blogs like My Charming Kids and Bring the Rain my perspective changes about what battles are worth fighting, what lessons are worth my energy and what life's truest purposes are -- their lives are serious --

I know that when your spouse is getting on your nerves or it seems like your job is at risk or your mortgage payment is overwhelming your finances life can be so serious -- Yet, what matters most, whether you can see it or not, is having your family alive and healthy, having friends who will pick you up and stand with you through life's truest crises, having a spouse who loves every part of your being and believing in a God who doesn't change although everything around us is evolving at light speed --

What I'm saying in all this is this.... What seems so serious to us today, will be a mere lesson learned tomorrow -- So here's to enjoying the sunsets, hearing children laughing, hugs from your spouse/friends/family, quiet moments with your faith and the beauty of creation -- Think twice about taking what you're facing so seriously... this too shall pass, but the truly serious issues of life will be with you for eternity --

Money, Money, Money

So I've been debating as to write about single-hood or money -- Since money always wins, we're going with money -- ugh --

As I wrote the title, I heard the theme song of Donald Trump's Apprentice run through my mind and then run out quickly... much like money does in my hands -- They say there is always a saver and a spender in the relationship and guess who's who :-I -- As I've said before, how can you touch people's lives if you're not touching your own -- So, get ready to see some yuck --

I'm the one in the relationship with every Gap / Ann Taylor / AT Loft / Banana Republic / Ralph Lauren (clearly I'm a prep) and Lucky Jeans, socks, hats, bandannas, shirts, skirts, ear muffs and any other bodily accessory available to the human race -- and several thousand dollars in Credit Card debt to prove it -- Some of you are shaking your head saying God, me too, she's so brave to just come out and say that and some of you are shaking your head saying OMG, I can't believe that, she's so irresponsible -- I agree with you both --

You see, I think I had a mid-life crisis at age 24 -- Seriously? Someone (won't mention any names) who I looked to for life lessons once said to me "Live it up! Everyone dies with debt." -- Why? Why, God!?! Why did I listen?! please laugh -- Anyhow, this left me in a situation where I married bringing debt to the table -- Not sure about you, but I'm too proud to let Mr. Realife pay for my mistakes and he's too smart to, so it worked out nicely -- What didn't work out so nicely is that I held onto those credit cards as a safety net for many more years even though I didn't used them like I did when I was 26 -- I promised Mr. R I would cut them up when we married... I didn't -- Then I promised I'd cut them up when I got a job... I didn't -- Then I promised... then I promised... then I promised...

With Mr. R paying for everything from our shampoo to the electric bill (and a brand new house), I was acting like a spoiled child who thought she had it so bad with all the debt I had -- I didn't have it bad, I had it good... in fact, I had it great and was taking advantage of the fact that I had an amazing husband who was taking care of it all -- Of course, I didn't see any of this until I talked to my dad why is it now easier to listen to your parents than your own husband? and saw how Mr. R might have been (and was) feeling through the eyes of a man.

Why am I telling you all this? This stuff is personal and embarrassing -- I'm telling you because the #1 reason for divorce is finances -- I'm telling you this because as good as it can all look on the outside, there is always something that a couple is facing that's hard... damn hard -- Thankfully, I have a husband who wasn't willing to continue watching me throw myself down the black whole and more than that, wasn't afraid of really addressing the issue with some tough love

-- I cut up the credit cards --

It's been a couple weeks and I can vividly see how Mr. R and I are closer -- I feel the freedom from lying to myself and to those around me -- Clearly the hard part lies ahead with getting a job and paying them off -- It's just that I'm not willing to throw my marriage down the toilet because of a bad habit... a perceived safety net -- I opened my heart and mind to where my husband was coming from and I let go -- You can do this, too... no matter how hard -- Your marriage will love you for it and give to you what money never can --