The Reality of Happily Ever After

Reality is so much more interesting than Happily Ever After
Grey's Anatomy

I must preface this post by stating the fact that I'm not one that buys into the Hollywood fantasy life -- I realize that behind the drama of love and bliss are lights, cameras and cue cards -- So... why would I be using a quote from one of the very shows I don't buy into? Because I love irony...

If there were ever a Romantic Optimist, her name would be Anna (that's me!) -- and if there were ever a Realistic Realist, his name would be Dan (that's my husband!) and if there were ever a couple more different... that would be Anna and Dan (that's us!) -- I would love to tell you that our days are filled with joyous laughter, sweet nothings and whispers of love in each others ears... but I won't lie -- Although my life growing up was the farthest picture from fantasy, I most certainly believed that because my marriage would be mine, I would make it picture perfect -- (do I hear laughter?)

Dan and I celebrated one year of what some would refer to as the 'Happily Ever After' time period this past weekend and I'm alive to tell you about it... that's a good sign -- As a writer, I could use a lot of fluffy words to tell you about our blissfully romantic getaway and all the sweet lovey-dovey things we did, and you might just even ooh and aah over it all, but you get enough of that on Gossip Girl, Grey's and Desperate Housewives -- I want you to see that while Dan and my life, as Chapters says, is perfect, even when its not, it's by no means a fantasy, it's reality and it's so much more interesting than Happily Ever After --

Looking back is healthy and helps you move forward if you look properly -- Sometimes I feel like we have to see where we've been to remind us of where we're going -- I see milestones, such as our one year anniversary, as opportunities to stop within the whirlwind of life and refocus our lives on what's important -- In discussing our first year together, I asked Dan what his favorite part of our first year was and he said he'd have to think about it... (surprised?) Well, being me, I'd already thought about my favorite stuff -- It came down to two things... 1) I feel more secure and stable now than I ever have... I truly belong somewhere and I'm wanted there -- 2) We've become and are continuing to become best friends --

Dan and I knew each other all of 4 months when he proposed -- Yep..... something I vowed I'd never do, I did it -- Although then I told him I wanted 4 more seasons together -- Unbeknown to us, those next 4 seasons were filled with more stresses than one should ever have to endure -- Planning the wedding, full-time school, part-time work, interning 25 hours a week, commuting back and forth to Dan's (an hour away), Dan's father dying, building a house, moving to a new city and.............. do you need more? It wasn't exactly a breeding ground for mushy gushy, although we understood if we could make it through those times, we could make it through anything --

Once we put ourselves in a situation where we were inevitably inseparable (a little something called marriage), we had the opportunity to either become the best of friends or the greatest of enemies -- Some of you may have had the luxury of being friends first -- Clearly, Dan and I liked each other and certainly loved one another enough to marry, but true friendship takes a long time to develop -- What I've discovered and now hold as my true belief is Friendship is not born out of love, but love is born from friendship -- The reality of this friendship is so much more invigorating than a fantasy wonderland relationship --

The truest and most intimate of times are when Dan and I look at each other and know what we're thinking or when I hear stress in Dan's voice and I'm able to make him laugh -- How Dan can make fun of me when I get a shit-eatin' grin on my face while watching a romantic movie or the fact that I can bust on Dan for over exaggerating and he on me for overreacting to nothing -- How we don't have to explain ourselves when we're in a poopy mood and we're short with each other and the way we laugh about nothing until we can't breath -- It's being able to need alone time without the other getting offended and asking one another about our days because we sincerely care -- It's the kisses goodbye and love ya's before we hang up -- It's really the small things that make our marriage what it is --

So, today or any other time when you're bumming about your marriage not being what you'd expected it to be, think about what really matters... think of how the real things, the small things, the behind the scene things are what's keeping your marriage alive and kickin' -- Those are the things that make up your Happily Ever After --

p.s. --

I have a little secret that's helped me along through my first year -- There is a well renown Marriage and Family Therapist I just absolutely love -- His name is John Gottman and you can find out more about him by clicking here -- He wrote a book The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work and the wisdom found in these pages is incredible -- I'm not one for just do these 10 things and you'll have a perfect life kind of books, but I did read through certain sections I knew I personally had issues with and it really helped --

p.p.s. --

Dan and I went here for our one year anniversary -- It's on an island in NC called Ocracoke -- I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who wants to truly escape reality for a few days ;0)

Thursday Mornings

As I stood on our sidewalk, watching my husband power wash our back porch at what I thought was an insane hour, I thought to myself there has to be something humorous about this -- there wasn't -- It really was 9:42 p.m. and Dan really was power washing our back porch and I really did work 9-5 and he really did, too -- and by the looks of Rebel, our German Shepard, sleeping in the grass, he had, too -- We really were crazy... I just knew it --

As my thoughts drifted from wondering if there was anything I could laugh about, to the fact that neither of us had eaten, to what in the hell are we doing, I realized that I wouldn't get to spend my Thursday morning on our oasis of a back porch and write my blog entry for the week -- You see, Dan didn't think that 3,000 sq. ft. was enough house for the two of us, so we added our back porch... well, that clearly wasn't enough either, so we now have two more additions to that --

The top addition is stamped concrete and as construction would have it (and maybe some really inconsiderate morons) there was cement dust all over everything on our back porch, including the screens -- To make matters worse, it rained before we could clean it all up... Yeah, what do you get when you mix water and cement? Concrete. We didn't think too much about it until Dan went outside (two days later) around 7 to wipe down the screens (and only the screens) and realized it wasn't coming off -- 3 hours later everything was outside (including the carpet) being power washed -- We bleached, we scrubbed, we broomed, we did everything but set fire to it all and it wasn't. coming. off. -- There was the part of me (the evil, crazy part) that was like this is so ridiculous and then the other part of me (the angelic, perfect part) that was like you know, this is why I married this man --

I hear women all the time talking about their men (which I don't remember owning Dan) and how they can't get them to get off the couch to eat dinner, never mind clean something -- I don't have that problem -- I can't get Dan to sit down... he is constantly going and if I sit still for one minute, I'll miss whatever just happened in the whirlwind of his life --

Truth be told, this was one of the thousand reasons I married him -- I knew he was a hard worker and would always do what it took to make things happen -- At 9:42 p.m., this blessing looked like a curse, but how could I complain now about one of the qualities that caused me to fall in love with him -- I mean, seriously, we could be a normal couple lying on the couch watching TV... but I wouldn't give up the memory of us wiping screens down and scrubbing outdoor furniture while the owls watched for anything --

It's easy to forget all the great qualities of your spouse -- specifically when you're drenched from head to toe, brooming water off your porch at 10 o'clock at night --Sometimes I think he's crazy and yeah, I had to give up my Thursday morning on the back porch, but Dan is the love of my life and I wouldn't trade our craziness for the world --